Fake Friends Settle; Real Friends Shine

A conversation about how we determine what’s most valuable.
[5-minute read]

What is the most important thing in your life?

Family? Church? God? Money? Anything else?

How much authority do you give that thing? Like actually. How much does it influence the way you choose to live life?

My guess is, whatever test you’re using to find that answer, Jesus will probably have somewhat different thoughts.

“Do not lay up treasures for yourself on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,”

Matthew 6:19

Jesus opens this section with a warning about our values: be careful where you find the things you call most important, because if you pick anything on Earth, 2 big things make that a problem – 1) it’ll eventually fall apart and/or 2) somebody’s coming after it.

Have you ever found something over 100 years old that has literally zero wear and tear? Yeah, didn’t think so. Nothing lasts forever, not one thing. Your own cells have completely died off and regenerated again and again every 7 years; you’re literally not the same human being physically that you were 7 years ago. If you decide that your house or your car or your fill-in-the-blank thing is the most important thing, don’t be surprised when it eventually falls apart, and your life with it. Even super-expensive jewelry needs upkeep: my wedding ring is white gold. If I don’t take it to the jewelers every six months to get cleaned, it’ll eventually disintegrate so much it’ll literally fall apart, and it’s gold! The overwhelming suffocation to have everyone around you trying so hard to live life a certain way, with a certain image is a feeling I do not like. Yet at the same time, I feel so utterly compelled to go right along with them all and make them think I’m just like them. And while it may feel like these things are the most important thing in our lives at any given moment (believe me, with the housing market in Texas right now, I feel it), Jesus says the investment just isn’t worth it simply on the integrity of the items alone; the things you want will fall apart. But Jesus doesn’t stop there.

I have a friend who went to the Bahamas in the summer between middle school and high school. They had a BLAST; swimming, surfing, even chilling with dolphins at one point. They bought all kinds of souvenirs for their family and friends and flew back to Miami before they made the 2-day trek back to the Midwest. On that trek, they stopped at Olive Garden for dinner, and when they came outside to the pickup truck not 45 minutes later, every single bag they had brought back with them from the Bahamas was gone; stolen, never to be seen again. In the Olive Garden parking lot! Needless to say, they were upset. And they tried as hard as they could to figure out who did it and where they had taken everything, but they never could get it done. Their stuff was gone, and there was nothing they could do about it.

Jesus warns that this is another reason we shouldn’t be valuing things on earth too highly. At any moment, if for no other reason than sin is within their hearts, people can take your stuff and you’ll never see it again. But I think this is deeper than just stuff. Honestly, when’s the last time you felt an overwhelming urge to buy something you shouldn’t, or act some way you shouldn’t, that wasn’t connected to another person?

More often than not, I find myself acting like the people around me and valuing these possessions so highly because I want them to like me. That’s it.

“If they see me in these shoes, they’ll think I’m dirty.”

“If they think I don’t want to go do this thing with them, they’ll think I hate them, which will make them hate me.”

“It really sucks how bad they pick on that classmate/coworker over there. But I mean, he is a little weird and I don’t want to make it look like I don’t like them, too, so I just wont’ say anything.” But If you’ve read the Great Gatsby, you’d know why Nick proves this is wrong, too.

More than anything, we value being approved by people, especially people who look, act, sound, and think like us. And Jesus warns: that kind of treasure doesn’t last, and will be snatched out from under you at any moment. According to Jesus, it just isn’t worth it. The trajectory of your treasure directly determines the health of your heart.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!”

Matthew 6:22-23

Jesus gives us a test. In His words, your eye is the lamp of your body. Lamps in Jesus’s day were essential; without them, homes and other buildings would be drenched in darkness throughout the entire night, and to keep homes cool, windows were not as common as they are now, and they surely weren’t anywhere close to as big. Even during the day, a lamp was a necessary tool to reveal the truth of what was in the home and how to navigate around it all. According to Jesus, whatever goes through your eyes will directly influence the definition of truth and how to navigate it to the rest of yourself. That’s a big deal.

Let’s do a quick comparison: which one do you spend more time thinking about – what others’ opinions are about you or what those people need most right now?

I’ve actually done this poll before. Only 17% of the people I surveyed said they fell more on the “needs” side of the spectrum than the “opinions” side; 12 out of 70. That’s insane. Everyone else admitted they spend more time thinking about others’ opinions of them. I wonder what the numbers would be if we could calculate just how many hours we spend thinking about those opinions. I guarantee you it’s influencing the way we live, the things we buy, and it’s 100% influencing the way we think about and treat each other. No wonder so many people’s lives are so dark and scary, especially on the inside. It’s almost like this way of thinking is a master over us…

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.”

Matthew 6:24

This is the result. If you spend all of your time thinking about what others will think of you, you’re devoted to the master of approval. You’re sitting in sin or in a way of life that is not wise, but not only are you okay with it, you prefer it. Think about what kind of a friend you must be; “Yeah, this is good enough,” you say. “Maybe there’s something better out there for us but I’m good with this right here.” CS Lewis has something powerful to say to you:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

CS Lewis, in The Weight of Glory

I love how Jesus provides the double-edged warning in verses 19-21, because what happens when you do get what you want? If it doesn’t disintegrate in your hands, it may just up and walk away. Like the “cool” person at school that you finally convinced to like you. But you said “Hi,” to their ex in the hallway and now you’re cancelled.

Jesus makes a big point in all of this: when you serve God as your master, and you stop focusing on this need to be liked so much, you literally shine.

“…if your eye is healthy [aka focused on serving the right master], your whole body will be full of light.”

Matthew 6:22

Let’s do one last comparison:

On the one hand, we have the master of Approval. He knows that you desperately want someone to look at you and say “Yes, I like you,” even as a friend, let alone romantically. And he gets a thrill out of watching you work your tail off for it. He also knows how to get your attention. So he pulls all your strings and constantly teases you:

“Oh, just get those shoes. Then they’ll like you.”

“Once you convince them that that girl sent you pictures, then they’ll be your friend. Heck, even better-get her to send them and then you have real evidence you can share with them. She’ll never know.”

“One little sip, you don’t need any more. You do that, then they’ll like you. You’ll be fine.”

Some people have been serving that trash excuse of a master for 70 years. And they regret every single minute of it.

On the other hand, we have the master of Adonai; Yahweh Elohim, the God of the Universe Who is, in and of Himself, a community of love; eternally giving and receiving love in the Spirit on a level we can’t even begin to imagine. This master literally created you, breathed life into your lungs, and loves you so much He straight up died for you, even though you could never deserve it. He wants nothing from you other than an acknowledgment that you cannot do life alone, and when you do so He offers life abundantly, both now and forever, and has myriad examples to back His offer up.

One offers a lifetime of work for approval with no reward, and causes a lot of people to settle for a life of sin and shame. The other offers a lifetime of knowing you’re approved even when you don’t deserve to be, and an eternity of life and abundance even after death; not even death is a problem for these people. That’s awful shiny and pretty, don’t you think?

Seriously, why is this such a hard decision for so many of us?

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.”

Matthew 5:3

It really does all come back to this every time; people who known they’re poor in spirit know that they have nothing to bring to the table on their own, which means they can be a friend who is humble. They know that their strength comes from God, who does not break down and decay and will never steal from you. They know that they don’t need to sin to keep people around. That’s attractive; that’s a way of life I want to live; that’s shiny.

People who know they’re poor in spirit know that God is all they have, because God is all they need.

And they know better than anybody, He is WAY more than enough.